Ready, Aim, Marry Me
Episode Guide:
Michael comes home to find Lucille in a tizzy, over Lucille 2's owning a majority share in the Bluth Company and dating Gob at the same time. Little does she know that her perceived arch-rival is already tired of Gob. George Michael enters the room to speak to his father and promptly slips on Lucille's martini, which spilled as she gesticulated wildly and cursed at Lucille 2 through the walls, despite the fact she was not in her own apartment. When Michael picks him up, he informs his son that he'll be using the picnic / vacation basket from the charity auction for a nice weekend away with his son at a resort. This seems like a great idea until George Michael picks up a bottle and asks what Kama Sutra oil is.
It's fortunate that Tobias enters at this point, slips on Lucille's drink, and is helped to his feet by Michael, who offers the basket so that Tobias and Lindsay can enjoy a weekend away. Tobias had bid on Lindsay at the charity auction but in an effort to "test" the basket's worth at the local resort, he'd used everything as well as the weekend away. Michael goes to the office where Gob informs him that Lucille 2 is acting weird and that he'd answered the phone at her place to be hung up on. Stan Sitwell's phone number was on the Caller ID. Immediately, Michael and Gob presume there's a business deal in the works for the Bluth company.
Michael goes home, climbs into the attic and asks the still-fugitive George Sr what he should do. George Sr suggests contacting one-time radio serial and film star Jack Dorso AKA Uncle Jack and getting a cash infusion from him. The only drawback to this is that Jack will want something in return. When George Sr started his business, he basically had to pimp Lucille out to Jack, which may need to happen again.
On Valentine's day, the family gathers to meet Uncle Jack and court him for financing. Lucille confronts Buster about his whore of a girlfriend, which creates a great deal of tension as Buster seems to agree with her. It's at this point that Uncle Jack enters the room carried by his large assistant, Dragon. Jack's legs don't work anymore - not surprising considering that he's 90 and instead of being weak and using a wheelchair. Uncle Jack is, frankly, disgusting. He vomits when shaken, which gives George Michael an excuse to not kiss him despite Maeby's dares. Lindsay is convinced that Dragon is fliring with her and tells Michael she's thinking about asking him to go with her on that resort weekend that he'd handed to Tobias.
On the deck, Uncle Jack tells Michael that he might be persuaded to let go of his wallet if he's set up on a date for Lindsay and Jack. Michael does this with his sister under the pretense of her getting to spend some time with Dragon. Buster, frustrated with his current girlfriend, goes across the hall to ask Lucille 2 for her hand back and runs into Gob, wearing her slippers and robe. Gob informs his brother that he's only tracking Lucille 2 in regards to Sitwell, which Buster accepts wholeheartedly and announces that he will join Gob on his mission.
This leads to a truly mind-numbing sequence at the resort where Lindsay is dating Dragon while Uncle Jack is the real suitor, Tobias and Michael are sharing a horse, and Gob and Buster are tracking Lucille 2. All of this culminates in a confrontation a tent where Lucille 2 and Sitwell are embracing. Turns out they only wanted to date, not take over the Bluth company, but now that they think about it...
In the end, Uncle Jack saves the day.
Season: 2
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